Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Excuse me while I regress a few years

**Huge immature childish post ahead.

I need to whine. I need to get my “it’s so unfair” moment out of my system. I do realize I am almost 30 and this is going to make me sound like my 6 year old but frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.

My sister is a 24 year old college graduate. In fact she has had her BS in Biology for about two years now. The girl has held one job her entire life. Over a summer. 4 years ago. She has had every.single.thing handed to her on a silver, sometimes gold, platter. She has never had to work for anything. Her school was entirely paid for. Her room and board has been entirely paid for – and not in the sense of living with the ‘rents. She moved out and went to school in a different state at 18 and has been living off my parents dime the entire time. The girl can’t do anything on her own. She can’t make a decision without someone holding her hand. My mom has asked me SEVERAL times to fly out to where she is to hold her hand and help her find a job. Um, excuse me? You want ME to put my life on hold for several weeks to go help her figure out hers? Why can’t she walk her lazy ass up to the employment office at her college and have THEM help her? Oh, that’s right. Because she needs someone to walk her there.

I am beyond frustrated right now. I realize that I made different choices in life. I chose to quit college and get married shortly after high school. I chose to have children and start a family early. In my defense though, even while I WAS in school, I still had to have a job to pay for my room and board while my grandfather paid for my school. It isn’t like I had the same opportunities that she has been lucky enough to have had for the past 6 years.

I have been working my ass off over the last year to try to do what my sister has been taking for granted. Get an education. I don’t have any free rides or handouts. I struggle. I make my own choices. I research my own options. I worry about my family’s future and the last thing I have available to me is someone here holding my hand through the process. Someone holding out their checkbook for me at every single one of my whims.

My “it’s not fair” moment has stemmed from me recently (as of this morning) finding out that my dear little sister is taking an all expense paid (by the ‘rents) cruise for the summer. Now why does this bother me so much you might ask? Aside from the above, I asked my parents for help with school and was told that they just couldn’t afford it. With my sister still jobless, and them still supporting her, as well as having to support my brother on his mission (they are Mormon. I am obviously NOT – long story), they just don’t have the funds to help me out right now.

It hurts. It hurts that my whole life I have had to work for everything I have. The day I turned 16 I had a job and have had one ever since. I have never asked them for much at all. They have never had to support me like they have had to support my adult sister for the past 6 years. Now, when I really need some help, they can’t, or won’t help because my sister is sucking them dry and they are letting her.

I am angry, and disappointed, and feeling sorry for myself. I know that life it not fair. That doing this on my own will make me appreciate it more, blah, blah, blah. I know this. But right now, I just don’t care.

I am hurt.


  1. You have every right to feel hurt, disappointed and angry. Having been in a similar situation with my younger brother (and sometimes still feeling bitter about it) all I can say is let yourself feel those things. Then, when you’re ready, pick your head up and keep doing what you are doing! =)

    And even though I know you know all of this… I am about to get lame and leave you with a quote that I refer to a lot. It reminds me that sometimes it is the struggle makes the end goal so rewarding: Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.

  2. I too have a brother that sucks the parents dry. It used to bother me, but not any more. Basically, due to my hard work and smart investments on my own...I am waaaaaaaaaay ahead of him and will have a very comfortable retirement, doing whatever my husband and I feel like doing. Meanwhile, my brother has made very poor choices and basically,because of the lack of skills he didn't have to learn, he will have to be working until he dies. The easy life for the sibling will dry up one day and you will find your tough experiences will keep you afloat.

    Meanwhile it is ok to feel bad. But just don't let it overtake your own joy in life and keep you from enjoying your successes. :)

  3. Sounds like somebody's sister needs a swift kick in the ass...

    My 33 year old cousin does the same shit to her parents. Personally, I don't get how people have any self-worth when they are completely relying on other people to help them survive. I'd feel like a total ball of poo if my parents were still paying for everything. Honestly, your sister is going to have such a hard time adjusting to the real world when the money tree is no longer fruitful and it'll bite her in the bum real hard. You, on the other hand, will be sitting in your chair with a fine glass of wine, an employment check in hand, laughing hysterically.

    Karma, my dear, it's all about the karma.

    I'm a year younger than your sister, I'd have no problem being the one giving her the swift kick in the ass... just sayin'

    P.S. my security word is "hotter," which I have no doubt you are hotter than your sister. HAHA ;)

  4. Karma or divine providence. She'll some day(if there is a just world)get it all back in spades. Maybe perhaps by having children who are just like her. My mother's favorite curse! :o)

    By earning things you appreciate them more. At least that's been my experience.

    I still wonder why wasn't I born into money? LOL

  5. You should be mad and hurt.
    This just ain't right on so many levels.

    Sooo many things I could add here, but everyone has pretty much laid it out.

    Still wondering that if the PUs (Parental Units) felt so strongly about it, why didn't they hop on a plane??

  6. I think we all know people like that--that just get everything handed to them. In my experience far too many of them squander away all they've been handed.

    You keep doing what YOU do. Work hard, and be successful. In the end you'll know that it wasn't at someone else's whim that you are where you are.

    Clearly though, she is your sister. And unfortunately you can choose your friends, but you're stuck with your family. I bet she's scared out of her mind having to get a job with no experience and a useless degree...

  7. oooh I can relate to this in so many ways, with me it is an older brother who cleans out my parents of their money. Did I mention he works full time and makes 60 grand a year? The man has money, he would just rather get it from my parents, who then also say they cannot help me out with school. I'm buried in debt so I commiserate whole-heartedly. Oddly enough, I am working so hard now because I want to be able to make enough money to support my parents when they get older and retire because I know their savings is about 1/4 of what it should be thanks to him. From the above comments and this, at least you can say you aren't alone! It tastes so much better to have earned it yourself with hard work.