Jumping in head first…well, sort of

It’s more like jumping in head first, with a life preserver on.

We are bad with our money. REALLY bad. We have been doing really good over the past year at paying off our debt (about $10,000 so far) but only because we have sold things (the four wheeler) or put any extra money we get toward it (tax return, Christmas money, etc) We haven’t really set followed a budget like we should have. Even though we have paid off this debt, for some reason we still end up living paycheck to paycheck. We spend money as if we had our very own money tree growing nice and healthy in the backyard. If the money is in the bank, we feel as if it is meant to be spent on something.

We are putting a stop to that now though. Killing off the proverbial money tree. This weekend, we opened up another account, where all of my paychecks along with anything extra my husband gets from side jobs or the fire department will be deposited from now on. It’s a small credit union, where there aren’t 50,000 ATM’s on every corner of the street, so access to said account will be somewhat of a pain – we chose to forgo the check cards that come with it for even harder access.

The point of all of this is to throw ourselves into the water, without really worrying too much about drowning. We will see how we can manage to live off of my husband’s income alone, and find out how creative we can really get with our money. So far we barely make it with both of our incomes, even though the budget says we don’t really need mine. This is going to be a great test. The other benefit of us doing this, is that while my money sits there, untouched, it will continue to build and give us a nice cushion for when I quit working in July for a few months, and hopefully sit there until I need it for Nursing School next Spring.

So wish us luck! I am really hoping that we can manage this and not give in.

Oh and if you have any hints about how we can curb our spending and save some money, bring em’ on! I would love to hear your ideas.

Saturday Night Epiphany

I just read a post on another blog that really got me thinking. I have been sitting here contemplating the decisions I have made and where they have landed me in life so far. Wondering how I could have made them differently and imagining where I would be now if I had made different choices.

I have also been trying so hard to make sure that the choices I am making now will not leave me with regret like it seems the choices I had made previously have.

But why?

What is the point of looking back at life and wishing it away? What’s wrong with looking at where I am now and actually enjoying it? Sure, there are some things that make me unhappy. There are some things I want to change. I’m sure everyone has something in their life that they wish they could change. Is that a reason to want to time travel to change everything? To agonize over choices that were made years ago? How can anyone actually enjoy life while constantly looking back at what they did wrong?

A commenter on one of my previous posts pointed out that there will always be things to stand in our way and that sometimes it is best to just jump in. I think he is absolutely right. Sometimes headfirst is the way to go. Without thinking too much about consequences, or regret. Just jump.

I think it is time I stopped worrying about how things will turn out and just enjoy the ride. Stop wasting my life away wondering how different it could have been and start living my life by enjoying what is.


Look at life through the windshield, not the rearview mirror ~ Byrd Baggett

Why can't you just eat the crust, kid?

I don’t understand why my daughter refuses to eat her crust. I have now resorted to playing the mean mommy card and I will not cut the crust off for her. Not that it helps, she just peels it off herself anyways.




This has really got to stop though. Remember my completely awful I-wish-I-could-erase-from-my-memory Friday? What you don’t know is that it got even better (worse?). The icing on the cake was when I got in my car after my Dr appointment to head to get a chest X-Ray. As soon as I sat down RRRIIIIIIPPPPPP. That’s right, my pants ripped. And not a tiny tear by any means. My ass was hanging out all over the place. Not exactly appropriate for going into an imaging center with. Thankfully I was close to home so I just ran home and changed real quick. My ever so lovely daughter felt that it was a good time to point out that “you are not getting fat mom, you are just growing” Thanks kid.

Fast forward to Tuesday. I got home and changed into something more casual for class (I have to dress all businessy for work). I squat down to grab my shoes and guess what. Yep. My other pair of pants ripped. Right in the ass.



Thankfully these were both just cheap Target jeans. I would have been pissed if they were my favorite pair of American Eagle jeans. Those are still hanging nicely in my closet collecting dust though. I can’t seem to fit into them anymore even though my “I just had a baby” excuse is now almost 19 months old.

So dear sweet daughter, will you please eat your crust so I don’t have to anymore? (you know, starving kids in Africa and all) My jeans would really appreciate it.

Made a decision...at least for now...

I spent the better part of the day and evening yesterday trying to figure out what direction I need to go in and after a lengthy discussion with my husband:

Me: So this is what I am going to do.

Him: Ok sweetie whatever you want, I just want you to stop changing your damn mind already!

I think I have finally figured it out.

I just can't stay in my job much longer. I feel like it is one of the main sources of frustration and unhappiness for me right now. I am tired of the politics and crap and boredom. I changed positions in my company hoping that it would help and while it did for a few months, I just can't do it anymore. While I can deal with my co-workers a whole hell of a lot better than I could in my last position, crap from my old position keeps coming up and I am tired of dealing with everything (on the plus side, I have really learned how to cover my ass during all this which might be helpful in my future nursing career. Right?) I really do not like what I am doing at all. (I might have to go get my eyes checked again as I think I am going blind from looking at these spreadsheets all.freakin.day.long)

So this is the plan. I have until July to save up as much money as I possibly can to cover for me being jobless for 1-2 months. I will quit my job in July and take the evening CNA course and take my PE credit that I need for The Program during the day. Hopefully they will post grades for my PE course in just enough time for me to meet the Spring 2011 application deadline. I might even be able to get away with taking a 6 week Micro course during the day as well but that thought just popped into my head and has not been researched until my eyes bleed yet so I will table that one for now.

Hopefully by the end of August, once I take and pass my CNA exam and become certified, I can find a job quickly and start working as a CNA and by October I will have my acceptance letter to the Spring 2011 Nursing Program.

So there you have it. The newly revised plan of action.

Hopefully I can make it 3 more months in this job...

Doubts

Warning: Another “Boo Hoo” post ahead.

I am starting to wonder what the hell I am doing and why. I feel like I might just be trying to reach for something just because it sounds good and it is such a huge change from where I am now. Something different. I don’t doubt that I can get through NS. Not at all. I know it will be tough. I know it will be a challenge, and one that I feel I am ready for, however, part of me thinks that I have a bad case of “the grass is always greener” syndrome. (is that an actual dx? I think it should be if it isn’t.) Part of me thinks that I might be doing this just to get out of where I am now and to try to change myself into something I am afraid that I just can’t be.

I worry that I will end up in the same situation I am in currently, only more educated and in more debt. I’m struggling to find my real reasons for pushing through all of this. I do feel like health care has been “calling” me for a while. I took health science electives all through high school and went straight into the EMT program right after I graduated. I got out as soon as I got my certification though, although not because I didn’t like it. Mostly it was because I wanted to grow up way too fast. The health care field was never far from my mind during my “hiatus”. I just feel that maybe I have grabbed a hold of this career change so tightly because I am so lost. I feel that I am putting my family through so much and I worry that in the end, it will all be for naught. I will be just as miserable and depressed as I am now.

I’m really struggling to figure out what I want along with balancing what’s best for our family. Truth be told, if I could, I would walk up to my boss and hand in my resignation right this very second, then go home and veg out for a few weeks before I got bored and wondered what I was going to do next. And really, we could get by if I did that, with A LOT of sacrificing on everyone’s part but the guilt I would feel from causing all that hardship would eat at me just as much as waking up every morning and coming to this job does.

I’m not going to give up on this though. I just wish there was a way of knowing that this was the right thing for me. I just wish that life was a tad bit easier right now.

Friday

As I was blog surfing this week I came across a meme that I thought would be fun to start doing.

Feel Good Friday (which I first found here, but originates from here). I know I have been a bit of a downer lately and I figured since I can’t promise that I won’t be from now on, I could at least promise a bit of good cheer every so often.

However, after the morning I have had, I just can’t find much to feel good about today so I am aptly renaming it (just for this week only…or maybe not, we’ll see):

F@!K Me Friday

So here are my 5 things that I felt screwed up my Friday/week/doesn’t-matter-cause-either-way-you-look-at-it-life-sucks-at-the-moment.

1. This morning:
Dear Sweet Daughter: “Mom! Are you ever going to wake up today?!?”
Me: “Huh? What? What time is…..” looks at the clock and sees that it is 8:00am “SHIT!! I mean SHOOT! – don’t ever say that word ok honey.” I jump out of bed, shower, and get ready in a record 30 minutes. That’s right, I am supposed to be at WORK at 8am. Not being woken up from a sound sleep by my daughter who by the way, had been up for quite some time just chilling out watching cartoons.

2. Get all the kids stuff and my stuff and every other stuff loaded into the car and head to my mom’s to drop off the girls. Realize when I get to my mothers, that out of all the stuff I packed in the car, I forgot to grab my laptop for work. SHIT! SHOOT! Back home I go to get it.

3. Finally get on the road and headed to work. Enjoy a nice quiet drive laughing at the DJ’s on my favorite radio station. Bad start to the morning but hey, it’s Friday and it’s all good now right? That is until I REAR END someone right in front of my office. Apparently when you are merging into traffic, it is a pretty good idea to make sure the person in front of you has merged before you begin your own merge. Silly me. My victims are fine. I am fine. My car is fine. Their car, eh, not so fine (opps). Thank goodness for insurance. So much for my clean driving record.

4. By now it’s 10:00. My nerves are on high alert. I shakingly walk into the office, plug in my laptop, open my Inbox and an alert pops up “Content Team Meeting – 2 hours overdue” FML. Our first team meeting that my boss really wanted everyone to be at and I missed it. Great. Way to go Ace.

5. As if all of that isn’t bad enough, I am STILL sick. Every time I breathe my chest rattles and makes me cough. My ears are clogged and I can’t hear anything. There is so much pressure in my head I feel like it is going to explode any minute. My eyes are so tired from looking at this same damn spreadsheet all week long that I feel that if I don’t get a break from this I will be permanently cross-eyed.

Happy fucking Friday.

Maybe next Friday will feel better.

Down with the sickness

The Husband is out of town for the week. Everyone else is sick. What a great way to spend Spring Break right? We really didn’t have anything planned anyways but I would rather not spend my much needed break from school stuck in the house with the Head Cold From Hell. Both of my girls have ear infections. We are all pretty miserable. Well, everyone but The Husband who is pretty much getting as far away from the sickness as he possibly can. Can’t say I blame him though. I would run far, far, away if I had the chance. On the plus side, at least this happened at a time where I didn’t have to worry about school.