Plan of Attack!!! (Take II)

A while back I posted my “plan of attack” here. I thought it was time to lay out the newly updated (and slightly revised) plan so I can feel better about myself.

Summer '09
Sociology - DONE!!
Gen Psychology – DONE!!

Fall '09
A&P I – DONE!!!
Lifespan Psych – DONE!!

Wintermester ‘09
Speech – In progress…

Spring '10
A&P II - Registered
Fine Arts Elective – Hopefully Photography Art Appreciation – Planning on registering any day now…

Spring Minimester ‘10
PE Course – UGH!

Summer '10/Fall ‘10
*Microbiology

Spring ‘11
NS BABY!!!!!!

So there you have it. The *new* plan. Not much has really changed. I am currently taking my required speech course during the wintermester. (Can we say holy crap! Intense!!!) I really, really, really want to take Photography and under this degree plan I technically can, however, I have been thinking more and more about eventually going on to get my Bachelors in Nursing (from here on out referred to as BSN) and looking at the required courses for those, photography isn’t one of them (bummer). I figured the smarter thing to do would be to take a course that IS approved for that future plan. Just. In. Case. – See College really does make a person smarter. :p

I am still bothered by that pesky Micro course. I left it during the summer but I am still not really sure if I am cut out for an accelerated science course. I did realize that I could get away with applying to The Program without that course finished, and not lose any points to make me competitive. I will have to have it done before I start The Program but it can be “in progress” rather than completed when I apply. All that garbage means, is that I can take the course in the fall, and still apply for The Program in the Spring of 2011. I was pretty excited when I figured that all out. It means I can start NS a whole half a year earlier than I expected!!!

I'm a Bad, Bad, Blogger

Hello there strangers! Bet you never thought you would hear from me again. No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth. I have simply been immersed in the human body. (that sounds slightly kinky but trust me, there was nothing kinky about it) A&P I is now behind me. I managed to squeak by with a B for the class. Not exactly what I was hoping for but damn, that class was tough. Well, maybe not so much tough but it took quite a bit more focus than I was prepared for. Now that I know more of what to expect I am pretty confident that I can get that A in A&P II this Spring. (fingers crossed!! And toes, and anything else I can manage to cross)

So what else have I been up to? Well, really what more is there time for? I have to say that I am really enjoying this college thing. I miss the time I used to have with my girls but honestly, it has been a nice break from the mom/wife/employee role that I have had going on. I am finally doing something for myself and damn it feels good.

Speaking of employee, I am happy to report that I am no longer working for the tyrant. Nope, not working as a CNA either as my last post would have you believe. I was able to score a new position in my company that is not much better in terms of the work I am doing (can we say BORING!) but my new boss, and my co-workers, are fabulous. It has been such a nice change. I feel so much happier. It is really amazing the difference getting out from the worst-boss-in-the-world can make. Hopefully now I will be able to stick this out until I get into The Program.

What to do?

I have decided to quit my job. I have had it. I really can't take the boss from hell anymore and I am tired of leaving the office in tears every day. I decided to get my CNA license and work as a CNA. Not only will it give me some good experience in healthcare before NS but it might be something I could possibly continue to do while I am in Nursing School.

The problem is that I will be making less than half of what I currently make. The Husband and I are going to sit down when he gets back from his out of town trip tonight and go over our finances to see what can be cut. I am serious about this though. I told him I will be putting in my two weeks notice in a few weeks. He knows I am not kidding. He knows it is time to stop screwing around. I am not going to "suck it up and deal" anymore.

I found a CNA course that I am interested in. The day program is 3 weeks and starts in October and the Saturday program is 9 weeks and starts in November. After I complete the course, it will be another 2-3 weeks before I can sit for the State Exam. I know my husband is probably going to ask that I do the weekend program and stay at my job until I have my license and can find a new job as a CNA. While that makes perfect sense, I just don't know if I can handle staying at my job for another 6 months. I am miserable in the worst way there.

I hope that we can come to some kind of resolution tonight on this and figure out how to cut out a ton of expenses quickly. I know I am putting my husband in a really stressful place right now since the burden of taking care of us all financially will be on him but I just can't deal anymore where I am. I really need to make a change and fast.

1st Test

I had my first A&P test tonight. I have been studying my ass of for this test for days. My instructor doesn't give review sheets so I really didn't know what to expect. I feel pretty confident in myself though. There were a couple of questions I know I missed. I went back through the textbook after the test to check on the few that I wasn't sure about. Yep, they were wrong. For the most part though, I think I did really well. I am hoping for at least a low 90. We'll see on Monday! I think I am going to take the next few days and relax a bit. Or maybe I should take this time to catch up in my Psych class. Yep, probably what I should do, but probably not what I will actually do.

Why can’t they just call it a freakin’ cube?

The more we are learning in A&P the more I am absolutely convinced that some scientist was sitting in his little lab looking at a bunch of cells, and thinking of how he could make life difficult for future biology students. (insert mad scientist laugh here) I mean really, why be all difficult about a simple cubed shape cell. Cuboidal? What’s so wrong with cube? Columnar? Why not Column shaped? Squamous? Is it so hard to just name it scale-like or even flat? Is it really necessary to give these cells such crazy names? Why can’t we just call it like we see it?

*sigh* I have a feeling the next few days of my life are going to revolve around nothing but looking at images of tissue cells and dreaming of these Cuboidal, Columnar, and Squamous cells for the next few nights.

Bummer

How quickly one can go from feeling nice and confident, ready to take on the world, to small and insignificant. I didn’t get that job I applied for a while back.

Pretty bummed about it as I was really hoping to get out of my current position with the tyrant now in charge. Time to sit down with the husband and re-evaluate a few things. I honestly don’t think I can stay in this job much longer.

I really wish this path to nursing was a bit shorter. I just want to be a nurse already damn it!

Small boost of confidence

This semester the Biology department decided to make everyone take a “pre-assessment” test to see where we stand in relation to the A&P course we are taking. It was basically a test to weed out those who might not be ready for A&P. If you failed, it is strongly recommended that you drop the course and take an intro to A&P course, which the school so graciously set up an additional class and offers it, free of charge. (Too bad it was not a very convenient time for those of us that work full time jobs – I am in the 6pm class for a reason – nope can’t make it to an 11:30am class). This test, in itself just goes to show you how tough the course is. I mean, why would they feel the need to create this assessment test, and offer an into class free of charge if they don’t feel you can make it. Obviously quite a few people fail out of this course pretty regularly.

The test was pretty basic, a few math questions (averages) some basic chemistry questions, and a few vocabulary questions. I was pretty nervous about it. I haven’t taken a Biology class, let alone a science class, in years. Hell, I haven’t had any need to even think about atoms or cells or molecules since I graduated High School! When I enrolled for this course, I went back and forth, thinking to myself that maybe I really should take gen Bio just to refresh myself on all of this science business. I decided against it because I just want to get these pre-reqs over with already and that “extra” class would hold me up longer than I wanted. I was beginning to feel this might have been a mistake.

My professor had the results in yesterday’s class but only for those who had gotten below 50% on the test. If our name was on that list, it was suggested we take the intro course. All through lab, people were going up to see if they were unfortunate enough to be on that list. Several people walked up, the professor checked and said “nope not on the list, you should stay” and my nerves got worse and worse. The list seemed pretty long, and if all of these people were NOT on the list, surely that was leaving tons of room for MY name to be on the list.

I finally got the courage to walk up to my professor and see if I was doomed. I felt like I was in slow motion walking up there. He seemed to be staring me down the whole way there as if to say, “ah yes, and now the one that really shouldn’t be in here” I had to repeat my last name since the first time I said it, barely any noise came out. He looked over the list and seemed to take an inordinate amount of time checking for my name.

Finally…

NOT ON THE LIST!!! It is recommended that you stay in this course. WOO HOO!!!! I am smart enough after all! I am in the right place! I should be taking this course! You have no idea how great that made me feel. I actually feel like I can do this now. I can get through this class. I haven’t lost everything over the past 10 years that I ever knew about science. I might actually make it. What a boost of confidence that simple little test gave me. I have no idea what my score was. I could have gotten a 51% on it, who knows. But at least I am NOT ON THE LIST! At least I can continue on in this course knowing that yes, this is the right place to be.

I just might make it this semester.

Mommy Guilt

How do you get over the feeling like you are missing a big part of your children’s lives by not only working full time, but going to school as well? I keep telling myself that I am doing this for them as much as I am for myself but it doesn’t seem to help matters any. I miss my kids. My oldest started Kindergarten on Monday. I didn’t even get a chance to talk to her much about her first day because less than an hour after she got home, I was off to my evening class and didn’t get home until after she was in bed. I didn’t even get to see my youngest yesterday since she was still asleep when I left for work, and I had to run straight to campus right after work to take a pre-assessment test before class started.

These are big times in my kids' lives right now. The oldest is going through a rite of passage and morphing into this little person. The youngest will be one in just a few short days and is mastering her milestones so quickly. I feel that, even though this is for their futures as well as mine, I am doing them a disservice by not being there as much as I can. The guilt for working rather than being home with them already runs so deep that taking away even just a few hours extra a week are really killing me.

I know it has only been two days. I know that we will all get through it and do it all over again next semester, and the semester after that, and during Nursing school where it will more than likely be even worse. For now, though, I am trying really hard to let go of this guilt.

I miss my kids.

Whew!

Day one of A&P was on Monday. I have to say that so far, it isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I’m not naïve enough to think that it is going to be an easy course, but for the most part, I think I will be able to get through it without too much stress. My lab group is fantastic. I will admit that during lecture I scoped out a few people who I thought would be good in lab and made sure to sit at the same table as them. Fortunately, everyone seems to be on top of it and in it for the A. We have already been exchanging emails between our group, and we have set up a study group on Sundays. There are two other pre-nursing students in my group which is actually kind of surprising as I thought there would be more.

Day two is tonight. Tonight is when we start hitting the ground running in the course. We got all of the nitty gritty details out of the way on Monday. I hope that the evenings fly by as fast as they did during the last class and I really hope my lab group is all that they seem to be. If so, I have a feeling this isn’t going to be such a big scary monster after all.

One more down!

Summer session is now over and I have gotten two of my pre-reqs out of the way! I am happy to report that I got A’s in both Sociology and Gen Psych!!! They were both great classes to get me back into the school mind frame after so many years on hiatus. This fall is going to be the real test though. I just found out that our tests for my Lifespan Psych class have to be taken on campus. So far, I have been able to take all the tests for my online classes at home which has been really nice. Now I have to figure out how to schedule in an extra trip to campus to take the tests. And, if I am being completely honest, it was nice getting to use my books for the tests. I was really hoping I would be able to do the same with this class so I could focus most of my studying on A&P. I suppose I should look at this as more practice in time management which I will need plenty of for Nursing School.

Almost time! One week off to get prepared for the fall semester! Did I mention that my oldest daughter also starts Kindergarten the same day the fall semester starts?! We are a big bundle of excitement in our house!!

How does that make you feel?

I have GOT to get out of this job. My new boss is a tyrant. Second official day on the job and he has already fired someone. He has been sending out emails left and right about new office processes. Ridiculous. I get that things need to change, but how about stepping in, getting a feel for what is going on, THEN making the changes? Right now, the only thing he is doing is upsetting everyone by his completely asinine rules. If I thought office morale was low before, I think it has just reached new depths.

Fortunately, I have an interview tomorrow for the new position I applied for. I really hope that I get it. I am burning out fast at this job and I know I won’t be around much longer if I don’t move on from here. If I don’t get it, there is another position I will try for and if that falls through as well I might try to look outside the company and see if there is something that can hold me over for another year or so. I know it won’t be an easy task seeing as everyone is looking for a job these days but I have to do something.

I can feel myself falling back into depression and it is all because of this lousy job. I can’t let myself go there. Not with the challenging semester ahead. I have to stay focused on the goal. I need to do well in this class and in order to do well I need to have a clear head. I need to stay focused so I can keep my family focused. I can’t let my job bring me down but it is so difficult to fight it when the majority of my time is spent in this shit hole.

I have to do something.

2 weeks, 2 hours, 12 minutes...

I am starting to feel increasingly anxious about my Anatomy and Physiology class coming up in 2 weeks. The instructor for the course was FINALLY assigned and I was able to do a quick search and find the syllabus from last fall. YIKES! This course is going to be really intense. Luckily, this instructor has all of his power point presentations for each lecture and lab online to download. That should be pretty helpful. Now that I know a tentative schedule (I do realize this is a year old and subject to change) I plan on getting some reading done ahead so hopefully it won’t be too overwhelming in the beginning. Everywhere I have read it stresses how Gen Bio is STRONGLY RECOMMENDED before taking this course.

I dropped out of Gen Bio 10 years ago.

I hope that I won’t regret taking this course without it.

In the meantime...

I am really unhappy at my current job. Not just the run of the mill this-job-sucks type unhappiness. I’m talking about, can’t get out of bed, don’t want to deal with the crappy new boss, try to find anything other than actual work to do during the day, carry home my crappy attitude unhappiness. It is really dragging me down. My stomach starts gurgling and flipping on my way to work every day because I just can’t stand the thought of having to explain for the millionth time to my extremely dense boss why the special projects I work on cause the reports to look off. It is just infuriating that I constantly have him over my shoulder questioning everything I do. I have been doing this for 4 years now. I know what the hell I am doing.

In light of all that, I have decided to pursue a few other job opportunities within my current company. I really thought I could stick it out and make it work in my current position until I could quit for nursing school but it is not looking very likely. I honestly cannot take another year and a half of this. These new opportunities have their good and bad sides. I *think* either one of them would be more enjoyable than what I am doing now. I really enjoy a challenge and I am pretty sure both will offer just that. They will most definitely get me away from all the bullshit that goes on where I am now. The crappy manager, the equally unhappy, pissy co-workers, the micro-management of it all. It will probably be more money. This will really help us get things paid off faster, and really help pay for my schooling (and books, geez). The best one of all? NO ON CALL!! I can’t tell you how much I hate being on call. Actually, I can. I CAN’T FREAKIN’ STAND IT!! The downsides are that it is far from home. Right now I work about 5 miles from my house. I get to go and see my girls at lunch every day, I am home by 4:30 at the latest. No more seeing the girls at lunch, no more getting home at a reasonable time. I really feel bad about accepting a new position in the company, and having people count on me to be around for the long haul then leave them high and dry in a year.

I have submitted my resume to one position already. There are a few people I have worked with over the years that are putting in a good word for me. I feel semi confident that I would be a good candidate for it. The other one, I am still debating if I want to apply or not. It would get me out of here so I should, but I’m hesitant. I think I will just have to bite the bullet and do it. Anything is better than where I am now.

Wish me luck! Although this is ultimately not what I want to do with the rest of my life, I look at it as a stepping stone in the right direction (not getting fired or quitting leaving me unable to continue my schooling.)

Oh, and did I mention that I have to inform my maniac boss that I am applying for these positions. I am worried how that is going to go over…

Hi! Queen of unfinished business here

I am feeling slightly unmotivated. This is one thing I hate about myself. I get all gung ho on something, use up all my energy toward it, then crash and burn. I really, really, really want to do this nursing thing. At the moment though, I am wondering why. Wondering if I have what it takes. Wondering if I am just wasting my time and everyone elses.

I think I really need a good ass kicking right about now.

Is that sweat or are you just happy to see me?

I am an introvert. BIG time. I worry that this will really bite me in the ass when it comes to nursing. I get anxious when I am in big groups, to the point that I start sweating and can’t get any words out. It really is a sad thing to see. All too often I am labeled a “bitch” simply because I tend to keep to myself more than hang out with the crowd.

The internet is a wonderful thing. I have found my niche so to speak. It is easy to “talk” to people from the other side of a computer screen. I don’t have to worry about speaking before thinking. I can type something and retype it a million times before hitting “post”. I don’t end up a sweaty mess having a conversation with someone over an internet connection. I can teach and share my knowledge and offer up some friendly advice all day long with an online buddy I have never met before, but get me in front of someone, face to face, and I freeze.

I REALLY want to be successful in nursing though. I know this will force me to come out of my comfort zone. I really need to work on this before I get into The Program or I fear I will lose control and might even have a panic attack at the most inappropriate time. I need to learn how to handle crowds, and attention, and step out from behind my self-imposed wall.

No one is going to want a big sweaty anxious nurse.

They sure are proud

Seriously. I just spent over $300 on books, for ONE FREAKIN' CLASS!!! When I say books, I mean two, and I still have some "highly recommended" crap to buy. *Please note that I spent a great deal of time scouring the web trying to find the best deal on these suckers.

While I realize that it probably isn't completely necessary to buy everything they recommend, this class is VERY important (A&P I) and I can't afford to make anything less than an A. Plus, I am TERRIFIED of this class. Completely frightened. The more I buy the better prepared I will be right? Right?!?!

Sure honey, keep telling yourself that.

Money, Honey

One thing that has been in the back of my mind through this sudden decision has been

"How in the hell are we going to afford this?!?"

Granted, I go to a community college. It's not like I am paying a million dollars a semester to attend the most prestigious University in town. However, it still costs money we don’t have, and I will most definitely have to quit the job I don’t like (can I get a WHOOP!?!?) once I get into The Program, which will drastically cut our income. I won’t lie. We have a TON of debt and if one of us were to lose our job right-this-second, we would be royally FUBAR’d.

Which brings me to the point of this post (if there really even is one in the first place). The Husband and I have been chatting about what the hell we are going to do – more like I have been telling him what we are going to do and he just sits there and agrees. We have come up with a few things that should help us out.

1) Selling the 4 wheeler. Now before you go all “she is a shitty wife for making him give up his toys” on me, please note that this was HIS idea (ok, I will admit to a little prodding). He never rides the damn thing. It sits in our garage taking up space. On Craigslist it goes. (anyone?)

2) Taking the effort to sell the property that we have been trying to sell for years now. Fortunately, it seems as though there are tons of people interested in it lately, so hopefully this will be accomplished soon!

3) STOP EATING OUT!! This is a big one for us. We eat out A LOT! I’m talking every.single.night. No joke. I can’t cook and I am just too damn tired to make anything when I get home so out to eat it is. Not anymore though. The Husband and I have divided up the nights of the week that we are each responsible for dinner and there is NO eating out allowed. BONUS: This should be good for the waistline too.

4) Stop the freakin’ shopping. This one is all me. I am a shopaholic. It helps me deal. Something about buying a new outfit for one of the girls just makes me feel all nice and tingly inside and for just an instant, I actually feel happy.

5) Prioritize our bills so we can get things PAID OFF. I read Dave Ramsey’s book last year and we took a few classes online. We are really going to try to follow the basics of his ideas to get our debt paid down in time, starting with paying the lowest balance card off first and moving on up. Hopefully this will work – this time.

6) And lastly, The Husband has ever so graciously offered to sign up for more shifts at the fire station. – I am on to you dude. I know why you really volunteered to do that. I am a College Student after all. – While this won’t bring in record amounts of extra money, it will still be something, and we can use anything we can get at this point.



I really hope the plan works. I am worried that something is going to crash, and our finances are going to be the only thing holding me back from getting into The Program. I worry that The Husband isn’t taking this as seriously as I am. I worry that without my Retail Therapy I might end up losing my mind.

Wish us luck! Things are going to be really tight for a while, but hey, we might as well get used to it right?

Plan of attack!

I have about 20 different sheets of paper where I have written down my "game plan" for all my pre/co-reqs. I like to be able to be anywhere and pull it out when I feel myself slipping into boredom with all of these classes. Just so I can look and see what lies ahead, and look back and see what I have already accomplished (which as of right now, isn't much).

Because one cannot have a list in too many places, I thought I would post it here as well. :)

Summer '09
Sociology - DONE!!
Gen Psychology - In progress...

Fall '09
A&P I
Lifespan Psych

Spring '10
A&P II
Speech (maybe during the wintermester?)
Fine Arts Elective - Hopefully Photography

Summer '10
*Microbiology
PE Course - UGH!

I *think* I need to take Pharmacology before I can apply as well. I saw it listed as a pre-req on the website just the other day. I need to double check that one as it was not discussed during the information session I went to a few month ago. (see, I told you more things keep popping up) I thought it was part of the program itself.

I am a little iffy about taking Micro during the summer semester. I heard it is a pretty tough course and I will still be working full time up until I get into the nursing program. I don't want to set myself up for failure by taking such a hardcore course during the short summer session. I am sure I could get through it, but not sure if I will still have my sanity at the end.

Then there is the HESI pre-entrance exam I will need to take before I can apply. Depending on when I decide to try for it (Spring or Fall '11) I will be taking it either next summer, or next fall.

So many things still seem so up in the air right now.

So that, my friends, is my schedule for the next year of my life. ON TOP of my full time job, being a mommy, and trying to stay sane with a lil' dose of crazy mixed in. :p

The long road ahead...

I really do have a long road ahead of me. Not only speaking of the actual nursing program, but the steps I need to take before I can even apply to the program. I am, after all a pre-nursing student.

When I was first looking in to the program, it seemed like every time I got a plan and was ready to move forward, I found out a little bit more information which made my journey seem even longer. I swear this happened to me at least three times, and every time I got a little bit discouraged.

Now, I FINALLY feel like I have all the information I need and can say that 2011 will be My year. I am not sure if it will be the spring or the fall, but 2011 is what I have my sights set on for entrance into The Program. Of course, I will have another 2-1/2 years after that before I am a real-live-nurse, but baby steps right?

Why am I doing this again?

I came across a blog today where they listed their reasons for going into nursing school. So I thought I would follow their lead and make my own.

I have always had a fascination with the medical field. Fresh out of high school I went straight to college and started working on the EMT program at a community college. Long story short, My husband asked me to marry him, I moved back home had some babies and got myself a nice comfy office job in the corporate world where I sit today, as unhappy as ever.

My kids need a happy mom. I hate my job so much that it comes home with me. It is hard to be happy when you are at a 9-5 job, hating every Godforsaken second you are there. Every little thing at this craphole irritates the shit out of me. I have a hard time switching off the irritability when I clock out and my kids deserve FAR better than what I have been giving them. So does my husband.

I want a CAREER not a JOB. I want something that I can be happy doing. I realize nursing is not all sunshine and rainbows, but the difference between a career and a job is actually doing something that comes from the heart, and is something you care about doing.

I need a challenge. Oh boy, what a challenge nursing school seems to be! I am looking forward to getting in the program and having my boundaries pushed, my thinking questioned, and my abilities tested.

I want to be someone my children look up to. I want them to look at me and be proud of their mother. I want to set a good example for them and show them that they don’t have to settle for mediocre.

My best friend died. No, this isn’t some story about the amazing nurses that inspired me to become one myself. She never made it to the hospital. This IS a story of how she made me realize that life is just too short to be living it unhappily. It is time I did something for ME. Something that I will be proud to tell people I do. Something that can make a difference in not only the life of my (soon to be) patients, but my own life as well.

There you have it. There are a few other reasons: I need a sense of community that some nurses seem to have with each other and I am tired of sitting on my ass all day. For the most part, I just want to be a damn nurse.

So this is it...

Here I am, starting yet ANOTHER blog. (have I mentioned I can't even keep up with the first one?)

I hope that I can use this as my outlet. I know I sure could use one. While this will be about my journey toward nursing school, and will hopefully eventually become my journey through nursing school, it will also be about all the crazy stuff in between.

I am not as eloquent as some of the other bloggers out there but I enjoy reading them so much that I thought I would try my hand at my own. Away from the sweet and sappy that is my first blog and on to something more deep and real and me.

So this is it. This is me.