Thursday, August 27, 2009

Mommy Guilt

How do you get over the feeling like you are missing a big part of your children’s lives by not only working full time, but going to school as well? I keep telling myself that I am doing this for them as much as I am for myself but it doesn’t seem to help matters any. I miss my kids. My oldest started Kindergarten on Monday. I didn’t even get a chance to talk to her much about her first day because less than an hour after she got home, I was off to my evening class and didn’t get home until after she was in bed. I didn’t even get to see my youngest yesterday since she was still asleep when I left for work, and I had to run straight to campus right after work to take a pre-assessment test before class started.

These are big times in my kids' lives right now. The oldest is going through a rite of passage and morphing into this little person. The youngest will be one in just a few short days and is mastering her milestones so quickly. I feel that, even though this is for their futures as well as mine, I am doing them a disservice by not being there as much as I can. The guilt for working rather than being home with them already runs so deep that taking away even just a few hours extra a week are really killing me.

I know it has only been two days. I know that we will all get through it and do it all over again next semester, and the semester after that, and during Nursing school where it will more than likely be even worse. For now, though, I am trying really hard to let go of this guilt.

I miss my kids.

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