Monday, March 8, 2010

What now?

I’m sorry about all the whining lately. I am trying so hard to get past all of this but it is so difficult. I feel like they died all over again and now I am left to start rebuilding things once more. I’m not really sure how to deal with this. I would normally try to ignore everything and push it down deep and move on. That has proven not to be the greatest thing for me though as I tend to explode after holding things in for so long. So then I have been trying to let it all out and deal with it head on. I’m not sure this is the greatest thing either as it has been consuming my every thought - not to mention I have been a blubbery mess at work all day long and I am SO not a public crier. I wish I could figure out how to get to a happy medium where I am not holding it all in but I am not letting it consume me either. I obviously need to learn better coping mechanisms.

I really wish I had my friend here to talk to about this. She always had such great advice for how to help me deal with my crazy emotions. Of course if she was here, I wouldn't be feeling this way right now.

I think I just need to stay busy. Busy doesn’t allow for time to wallow. Busy doesn’t allow for too much thought. Busy keeps my mind occupied and gives me something to do with myself. So I will stay busy. I will immerse myself in my children and school and hell, I think I might even take up gardening.

Someone please pass the Prozac.


  1. Hey hun! Keep you head up. I know this is a really really diffcult time. Please do not take this negative, but have you sought a professional to talk to? They can be quite objective and help you work through some really difficult times and help get you smiling a glowing again!! I wish i could help more! You are in my thoughts and I am sprinkling you with happy healhy vibes!!

  2. Not negative at all. I actually used to see a therapist. I started going about two months after they died. I wasn't really feeling the lady I was seeing (not to mention it was SUPER expensive) so I stopped going after about 2 months.

    I would go again, but I can't afford it right now, and I really don't have the time since I started going back to school.