Hi! Queen of unfinished business here

I am feeling slightly unmotivated. This is one thing I hate about myself. I get all gung ho on something, use up all my energy toward it, then crash and burn. I really, really, really want to do this nursing thing. At the moment though, I am wondering why. Wondering if I have what it takes. Wondering if I am just wasting my time and everyone elses.

I think I really need a good ass kicking right about now.

Is that sweat or are you just happy to see me?

I am an introvert. BIG time. I worry that this will really bite me in the ass when it comes to nursing. I get anxious when I am in big groups, to the point that I start sweating and can’t get any words out. It really is a sad thing to see. All too often I am labeled a “bitch” simply because I tend to keep to myself more than hang out with the crowd.

The internet is a wonderful thing. I have found my niche so to speak. It is easy to “talk” to people from the other side of a computer screen. I don’t have to worry about speaking before thinking. I can type something and retype it a million times before hitting “post”. I don’t end up a sweaty mess having a conversation with someone over an internet connection. I can teach and share my knowledge and offer up some friendly advice all day long with an online buddy I have never met before, but get me in front of someone, face to face, and I freeze.

I REALLY want to be successful in nursing though. I know this will force me to come out of my comfort zone. I really need to work on this before I get into The Program or I fear I will lose control and might even have a panic attack at the most inappropriate time. I need to learn how to handle crowds, and attention, and step out from behind my self-imposed wall.

No one is going to want a big sweaty anxious nurse.

They sure are proud

Seriously. I just spent over $300 on books, for ONE FREAKIN' CLASS!!! When I say books, I mean two, and I still have some "highly recommended" crap to buy. *Please note that I spent a great deal of time scouring the web trying to find the best deal on these suckers.

While I realize that it probably isn't completely necessary to buy everything they recommend, this class is VERY important (A&P I) and I can't afford to make anything less than an A. Plus, I am TERRIFIED of this class. Completely frightened. The more I buy the better prepared I will be right? Right?!?!

Sure honey, keep telling yourself that.

Money, Honey

One thing that has been in the back of my mind through this sudden decision has been

"How in the hell are we going to afford this?!?"

Granted, I go to a community college. It's not like I am paying a million dollars a semester to attend the most prestigious University in town. However, it still costs money we don’t have, and I will most definitely have to quit the job I don’t like (can I get a WHOOP!?!?) once I get into The Program, which will drastically cut our income. I won’t lie. We have a TON of debt and if one of us were to lose our job right-this-second, we would be royally FUBAR’d.

Which brings me to the point of this post (if there really even is one in the first place). The Husband and I have been chatting about what the hell we are going to do – more like I have been telling him what we are going to do and he just sits there and agrees. We have come up with a few things that should help us out.

1) Selling the 4 wheeler. Now before you go all “she is a shitty wife for making him give up his toys” on me, please note that this was HIS idea (ok, I will admit to a little prodding). He never rides the damn thing. It sits in our garage taking up space. On Craigslist it goes. (anyone?)

2) Taking the effort to sell the property that we have been trying to sell for years now. Fortunately, it seems as though there are tons of people interested in it lately, so hopefully this will be accomplished soon!

3) STOP EATING OUT!! This is a big one for us. We eat out A LOT! I’m talking every.single.night. No joke. I can’t cook and I am just too damn tired to make anything when I get home so out to eat it is. Not anymore though. The Husband and I have divided up the nights of the week that we are each responsible for dinner and there is NO eating out allowed. BONUS: This should be good for the waistline too.

4) Stop the freakin’ shopping. This one is all me. I am a shopaholic. It helps me deal. Something about buying a new outfit for one of the girls just makes me feel all nice and tingly inside and for just an instant, I actually feel happy.

5) Prioritize our bills so we can get things PAID OFF. I read Dave Ramsey’s book last year and we took a few classes online. We are really going to try to follow the basics of his ideas to get our debt paid down in time, starting with paying the lowest balance card off first and moving on up. Hopefully this will work – this time.

6) And lastly, The Husband has ever so graciously offered to sign up for more shifts at the fire station. – I am on to you dude. I know why you really volunteered to do that. I am a College Student after all. – While this won’t bring in record amounts of extra money, it will still be something, and we can use anything we can get at this point.



I really hope the plan works. I am worried that something is going to crash, and our finances are going to be the only thing holding me back from getting into The Program. I worry that The Husband isn’t taking this as seriously as I am. I worry that without my Retail Therapy I might end up losing my mind.

Wish us luck! Things are going to be really tight for a while, but hey, we might as well get used to it right?

Plan of attack!

I have about 20 different sheets of paper where I have written down my "game plan" for all my pre/co-reqs. I like to be able to be anywhere and pull it out when I feel myself slipping into boredom with all of these classes. Just so I can look and see what lies ahead, and look back and see what I have already accomplished (which as of right now, isn't much).

Because one cannot have a list in too many places, I thought I would post it here as well. :)

Summer '09
Sociology - DONE!!
Gen Psychology - In progress...

Fall '09
A&P I
Lifespan Psych

Spring '10
A&P II
Speech (maybe during the wintermester?)
Fine Arts Elective - Hopefully Photography

Summer '10
*Microbiology
PE Course - UGH!

I *think* I need to take Pharmacology before I can apply as well. I saw it listed as a pre-req on the website just the other day. I need to double check that one as it was not discussed during the information session I went to a few month ago. (see, I told you more things keep popping up) I thought it was part of the program itself.

I am a little iffy about taking Micro during the summer semester. I heard it is a pretty tough course and I will still be working full time up until I get into the nursing program. I don't want to set myself up for failure by taking such a hardcore course during the short summer session. I am sure I could get through it, but not sure if I will still have my sanity at the end.

Then there is the HESI pre-entrance exam I will need to take before I can apply. Depending on when I decide to try for it (Spring or Fall '11) I will be taking it either next summer, or next fall.

So many things still seem so up in the air right now.

So that, my friends, is my schedule for the next year of my life. ON TOP of my full time job, being a mommy, and trying to stay sane with a lil' dose of crazy mixed in. :p

The long road ahead...

I really do have a long road ahead of me. Not only speaking of the actual nursing program, but the steps I need to take before I can even apply to the program. I am, after all a pre-nursing student.

When I was first looking in to the program, it seemed like every time I got a plan and was ready to move forward, I found out a little bit more information which made my journey seem even longer. I swear this happened to me at least three times, and every time I got a little bit discouraged.

Now, I FINALLY feel like I have all the information I need and can say that 2011 will be My year. I am not sure if it will be the spring or the fall, but 2011 is what I have my sights set on for entrance into The Program. Of course, I will have another 2-1/2 years after that before I am a real-live-nurse, but baby steps right?

Why am I doing this again?

I came across a blog today where they listed their reasons for going into nursing school. So I thought I would follow their lead and make my own.

I have always had a fascination with the medical field. Fresh out of high school I went straight to college and started working on the EMT program at a community college. Long story short, My husband asked me to marry him, I moved back home had some babies and got myself a nice comfy office job in the corporate world where I sit today, as unhappy as ever.

My kids need a happy mom. I hate my job so much that it comes home with me. It is hard to be happy when you are at a 9-5 job, hating every Godforsaken second you are there. Every little thing at this craphole irritates the shit out of me. I have a hard time switching off the irritability when I clock out and my kids deserve FAR better than what I have been giving them. So does my husband.

I want a CAREER not a JOB. I want something that I can be happy doing. I realize nursing is not all sunshine and rainbows, but the difference between a career and a job is actually doing something that comes from the heart, and is something you care about doing.

I need a challenge. Oh boy, what a challenge nursing school seems to be! I am looking forward to getting in the program and having my boundaries pushed, my thinking questioned, and my abilities tested.

I want to be someone my children look up to. I want them to look at me and be proud of their mother. I want to set a good example for them and show them that they don’t have to settle for mediocre.

My best friend died. No, this isn’t some story about the amazing nurses that inspired me to become one myself. She never made it to the hospital. This IS a story of how she made me realize that life is just too short to be living it unhappily. It is time I did something for ME. Something that I will be proud to tell people I do. Something that can make a difference in not only the life of my (soon to be) patients, but my own life as well.

There you have it. There are a few other reasons: I need a sense of community that some nurses seem to have with each other and I am tired of sitting on my ass all day. For the most part, I just want to be a damn nurse.

So this is it...

Here I am, starting yet ANOTHER blog. (have I mentioned I can't even keep up with the first one?)

I hope that I can use this as my outlet. I know I sure could use one. While this will be about my journey toward nursing school, and will hopefully eventually become my journey through nursing school, it will also be about all the crazy stuff in between.

I am not as eloquent as some of the other bloggers out there but I enjoy reading them so much that I thought I would try my hand at my own. Away from the sweet and sappy that is my first blog and on to something more deep and real and me.

So this is it. This is me.