Excuse me while I regress a few years

**Huge immature childish post ahead.


I need to whine. I need to get my “it’s so unfair” moment out of my system. I do realize I am almost 30 and this is going to make me sound like my 6 year old but frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.

My sister is a 24 year old college graduate. In fact she has had her BS in Biology for about two years now. The girl has held one job her entire life. Over a summer. 4 years ago. She has had every.single.thing handed to her on a silver, sometimes gold, platter. She has never had to work for anything. Her school was entirely paid for. Her room and board has been entirely paid for – and not in the sense of living with the ‘rents. She moved out and went to school in a different state at 18 and has been living off my parents dime the entire time. The girl can’t do anything on her own. She can’t make a decision without someone holding her hand. My mom has asked me SEVERAL times to fly out to where she is to hold her hand and help her find a job. Um, excuse me? You want ME to put my life on hold for several weeks to go help her figure out hers? Why can’t she walk her lazy ass up to the employment office at her college and have THEM help her? Oh, that’s right. Because she needs someone to walk her there.

I am beyond frustrated right now. I realize that I made different choices in life. I chose to quit college and get married shortly after high school. I chose to have children and start a family early. In my defense though, even while I WAS in school, I still had to have a job to pay for my room and board while my grandfather paid for my school. It isn’t like I had the same opportunities that she has been lucky enough to have had for the past 6 years.

I have been working my ass off over the last year to try to do what my sister has been taking for granted. Get an education. I don’t have any free rides or handouts. I struggle. I make my own choices. I research my own options. I worry about my family’s future and the last thing I have available to me is someone here holding my hand through the process. Someone holding out their checkbook for me at every single one of my whims.

My “it’s not fair” moment has stemmed from me recently (as of this morning) finding out that my dear little sister is taking an all expense paid (by the ‘rents) cruise for the summer. Now why does this bother me so much you might ask? Aside from the above, I asked my parents for help with school and was told that they just couldn’t afford it. With my sister still jobless, and them still supporting her, as well as having to support my brother on his mission (they are Mormon. I am obviously NOT – long story), they just don’t have the funds to help me out right now.

It hurts. It hurts that my whole life I have had to work for everything I have. The day I turned 16 I had a job and have had one ever since. I have never asked them for much at all. They have never had to support me like they have had to support my adult sister for the past 6 years. Now, when I really need some help, they can’t, or won’t help because my sister is sucking them dry and they are letting her.

I am angry, and disappointed, and feeling sorry for myself. I know that life it not fair. That doing this on my own will make me appreciate it more, blah, blah, blah. I know this. But right now, I just don’t care.

I am hurt.

Plan of Attack!!! (Take III)

Time to revisit "The Plan" so I can see my progress :) Just a few things have changed since the last time but it makes me feel good about myself to see how far I am getting. Besides, who doesn't like patting themselves on the back every now and then? I know I could sure use it right about now.

Summer '09
Sociology - DONE!!
Gen Psychology – DONE!!

Fall '09
A&P I – DONE!!!
Lifespan Psych – DONE!!

Wintermester ‘09
Speech – DONE!!!!!

Spring '10
A&P II – DONE!!!!
Fine Arts Elective – Hopefully Photography Art Appreciation – DONE!!!!

Summer ‘10
PE Course – Registered
Pharmacology – Registered
CNA Course – Still need to register…after I get my damn social security card AGAIN!!! (Stupid husband)

Fall ‘10
Microbiology - Registered

Spring ‘11
NS BABY!!!!!!

It is amazing to me to see what I have done in almost a year. It was definitely a challenge for all of us and getting used to the schedule wasn't easy but we did it. Once my grade for my stinky PE course posts this summer, I will be sending in my application for The Program. Now I just need to keep my fingers crossed that I will still be able to register for my CNA course.

It is surreal to think that I am so close already.

I only wish I made this stuff up

I am beyond livid right now and my husband is the source of my anger. He is lucky that he got away to the fire station tonight or I'm sure he would have felt the daggers I would be drilling into his head with my eyes.

I got my social security card in the mail on Monday. When I got home from work today I had planned on running up to the school to register for my CNA course. I go to find the envelope that housed my precious card and it is nowhere to be found. I ask my husband if he had seen it and he immediately replies that he hadn’t. In that instant I remembered him tearing up “junk” mail on Tuesday evening and my heart sank. I drilled him about whether or not he paid any attention at all to the mail he had been tearing up.

He swears he did.

We tear apart the house, once again, trying to find the damn card.

It is nowhere to be found.

I am convinced he carelessly tore it up and trashed it.

My precious card. Gone again.

He won’t even give me an apology. He says that I don’t know for sure that he did it. I wish he would prove me otherwise. I need that freakin card. Bad. He had the nerve to tell me it was no big deal, I can just go get another one. It IS a big deal. This means I have to take off yet ANOTHER day of work to go stand in line and get it, wait ANOTHER two weeks for it to come in, then keep my fingers crossed that there will be room left in the course for me to register.

Really. Who’s life is this anyways? Because it certainly can’t be mine.

'Round and 'round I go

I have a little over three weeks until I turn in my notice at my job. I am getting really nervous about it and am starting to worry that I am doing the wrong thing. There are so many great benefits to getting my CNA however, I am really concerned as to how we are going to pay for Nursing School. We have saved so much money over the past month or so which is great but it won’t be enough to pay for school as we still need some of it to help with bills when I quit. My grandfather has agreed to help us out but I feel so bad about it. I wish we were able to do it on our own. 

I have been thinking over the past few days about staying at my job and just sucking it up by taking my PE class in the evenings and miss seeing my kids for 6 weeks. This will allow us to save up even more than we have already. Every time the thought crosses my mind about staying here though, I get anxious. I have managed to drag through the past few months knowing I wouldn’t be here for much longer. Knowing that there is finally a date set for when I leave this place. Knowing that I will get some more time with my kids before my life is overtaken by Nursing School.

I hate to think that this whole decision is based off of me leaving this job. I would be a liar if I said it wasn’t a HUGE deciding factor in my choice to get my CNA. I am so burnt out at this company and my impatience to get on with my change in life/career is nagging at me constantly.

I wish I could turn my brain off sometimes and just go with the flow of life without all these wishy-washy feelings. I will never understand how one minute, this choice seems to be the best thing for us (me?), and the next, I am flooded with feelings that this may not be the best idea.

FINALLY!!!

Grades have been posted! I am happy to report that I got my A in my A&P II class!! Whew, what a relief. I was really starting to stress a little last week. Everything was pretty much riding on that grade. I'm pretty sure I drove my husband crazy this weekend while I was glued to the computer pressing "refresh" over and over again.

Now it’s time to relax. (ok, at least try to relax). I decided to take everyone’s advice and take a break. We have the big family vacation coming up in a few weeks, then after that I will be doing nothing but studying for my HESI. I’m not too worried about the reading part (the only part that really counts for points in the entrance requirements) but I am worried about the math portion. I’m not the best at math and I haven’t looked at fractions in at least 10 years! That part I have to just pass with at least a 70 but knowing how important it is to nursing, I would really like to brush up as much as I can on my math skills.

But for now the relaxing begins.

Of course it might take me a little while to figure out exactly how to relax.

Sunday's Specialty - Med Surg

This week’s specialty comes to us from DreamingTree over at Med Surg Zone. She writes some great stories about her experiences as a Med Surg Nurse. After you’re done reading, jump on over to her blog to check out more!


Five years ago, I decided to go back to school for nursing. My background is in psychology, and I thought nursing would enable me to expand my career opportunities. In all honesty, it had never been my life's dream. In fact, throughout nursing school, I was the student who dreaded learning new lab skills. They often looked painful or awkward, and I could always see the potential for mortal harm to my patients if I screwed up. Classmates and family were used to me wondering if I should quit at any given moment. Gaining knowledge was great; potentially harming someone -- freaky. I share all of this because I was asked to write about my experiences as a med/surg nurse. I was the least likely in my class to become a med/surg nurse; and yet, here I am. I love it.

A medical/surgical floor is often touted as the best place for a brand new shiny nurse to begin. Why? A med/surg unit deals with a wide variety of patients: post-ops, chronic illness flare-ups (our "frequent fliers"), new onset illnesses (pneumonia, GI complaints, etc.), to name a few -- hence the name, Medical/Surgical. Our patients aren't sick enough to require continuous monitoring, but that could change at any point. We don't deal with many exciting procedures. Foley catheters, IV sticks, NG tubes, dressing changes, and some occasional suctioning are as good as it usually gets. Though, one day I assisted with a bedside chest tube insertion -- that was a bit more exciting! On a typical day, I may be taking care of six patients with the following complaints:

1. 73 year old with acute renal failure, diabetes, & cancer
2. 62 year old with syncope (one of the church drops)
3. 95 year old with bilateral pleural effusions, UTI, who is on aspiration precautions, &has a stage 1 on coccyx
4. 41 year old with chest pain
5. 68 year old with metastatic cancer
6. 64 year old with end stage renal disease due to uncontrolled diabetes, new onset UTI & pneumonia

Taking care of six patients with a wide variety of conditions can seem overwhelming. Truth be told, I've been known to groan as I read through kardexes. Organization is the key. On a good day, I have a routine that I follow. Coffee, kardexes, coffee, report, coffee, greet patients, review vital signs, review meds, last gulp of coffee, begin assessments & med passes. I have learned that a quick pop into each room after report makes my day a bit better. This gives me the opportunity to write my name on the whiteboard, let the patient know that I will be available shortly, and allows me to eyeball each person. That quick glance at the patient tells me a lot -- neuro status, respirations, safety -- all of which helps me prioritize the order in which I'll assess each person. It also tends to put the patient at ease -- someone is checking in and assuring him/her that they will be back.

Take a look at my list of six patients. Who would you have seen first? Who would you guess to be the most stable? The diagnosis doesn't always tell you what you need to know. I quickly learned that #1 was the most ill. This patient's condition had changed on night shift, and was worse when I got to him on day shift. Heart rate was tachycardic; he was diaphoretic, lethargic, edematous, had noisy respirations, and had crackles. When you see changes like this, routines go out the window. Put the patient on oxygen, check am labs, contact MD. End result? This patient received a dose of IV lasix and was transferred to ICU. An hour later, I was able to go back to my routine with my other patients.

The most stable patient was the one who passed out in church. Although this patient was stable, she wasn't a low maintenance type of gal. She wanted to go home -- NOW. Where was the doctor? Why weren't her home meds ordered? Why weren't her meds given first thing in the morning? What were her test results? In this instance, you have to be patient and diplomatic. If that doesn't work, beg & plead with the doctor to discharge the patient as soon as possible.

Right when you think you're getting your day back on track, something is bound to happen. Patient #4 may decide to have chest pain (nitro SL x 3, STAT EKG, repeat VS, call MD), and #5 has uncontrolled pain (lidoderm patches are wonderful). Throw an admission and a discharge into the mix, and you have one busy day. Oh, and don't forget to discuss patient needs with doctors as they round, phone calls to/from pharmacy due to med concerns, and critical labs to be addressed.

How do you manage a typical med/surg day?

1. You need a good brain. No, not the one inside your skull, but the paper kind that keeps you organized. Everyone has their own system. Ask around, try different ones out, and then use what works for you.

2. Never take shortcuts when it comes to medications. Look up unfamiliar meds, follow all precautions, and always check your 5 rights (three times, every single time). You really need to have a healthy fear of the harm you can cause.

3. Learn to always trust the nagging voice inside your head. If something doesn't look or feel right, it probably isn't right. That was certainly the case with my first patient of the day, and I have many more examples just like that.

4. Remember the Golden Rule. This applies to patients, aides, pharmacy, PT/OT, dietary, RT, secretaries, MDs, housekeeping, transport, and anyone else I failed to mention. Most interpersonal conflicts can be avoided by being kind and showing respect to all you encounter.

5. Ask questions!! Yes, there are stupid questions, but don't let that stop you. I've earned a lot of respect from people by being willing to admit that I don't know all of the answers. The more questions I ask, the more I learn.

6. Use critical thinking. When I was in nursing school, I hated some of the critical thinking exercises we had to complete. Now, I can't say enough how important it is to stop & think about all that you are doing. Do you really want to give heparin to a patient with critically low platelets? Do you really want to give that oral diabetic medication to the patient who's blood sugars have been low & hasn't been eating much? What about the patient with back pain? Would a lidoderm patch help more than the narcs? (yes -- I love patches...)

7. Have a sense of humor! Don't take yourself too seriously. If you can laugh on a crazy, busy day, you'll manage much better.

Again, I never expected to love med/surg nursing. I thought I'd give it a try because I was always told that it is the best place for a new nurse to start. After a couple years, I have to agree with that advice. Med/surg nursing exposes you to a variety of medical/surgical conditions, AND it enables you to hone your organizational skills. It really does teach you how to nurse on the fly.

Thank you so much, DreamingTree, for sharing with us! It definitely sounds like you get a wide variety of experiences in Med Surg.

What do I do with myself now?

Spring semester is over. I don’t have any other classes until July. This will be the longest break I have had from school since I started almost a year ago. I have been going non-stop since then and I’m not sure what I will do with all my free time. I am seriously considering taking another class during the first summer session to keep myself busy. I don’t need any other classes for my ADN (other than what I am already registered for and plan to take), but it might be smart of me to take some toward my BSN since I do plan on pursuing that at some point. I actually prefer to take whatever class I can online during a shorter semester.

Oh the other hand, it might be nice to have a break. If I don’t take one now, it will be another 2+ years before I get one. My kids and husband might appreciate the break even more.