And you want to be a Nurse?!?!

This is what I find my husband saying to me quite often lately and frankly, it really ticks me off. Just because I don’t want to take the stitches out of our dogs ear, or I find myself dry heaving when I unexpectedly step in cat vomit first thing in the morning, does NOT mean that I do not have what it takes to be a nurse. I didn’t realize that nurses couldn’t find vomit disgusting. I didn’t realize that nurses had to be in love with poop and blood.

You know why I KNOW I have what it takes to be a nurse? Because I care. Because when I see my kids or friends in pain I care. I will do whatever it takes to help them and make them feel better. That doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s gross when my kid pukes on me in the middle of the night after rocking her back to sleep for the past 3 hours, but I can tolerate it. Because I care.

So yes dear, I DO want to be a Nurse. And yes dear, I will be a damn good nurse.

Should I be getting nervous already?

Because I am.

I just printed out the test ticket to take my HESI entrance test and huge wave of nerves started to pass over me and just stalled out right on top of me. I still have a little more than 5 months left until I can even apply to The Program and I am already starting to get nervous. Nervous about when I am going to squeeze in time to study for the HESI while simultaneously studying for my A&P class (which I still have to ace before I can apply in the first place). Nervous about being able to squeeze in the last class I need to take (PE – UGH!) during the spring minimester so I can apply. Nervous about if I am even going to be able to quit my job so I can do The Program. Nervous thinking about the student loans I might need to apply for to pay for whatever we need while I am jobless, and along with that comes nervousness about taking on more debt when I am trying to get out from under it.

Geez, all these nerves just because I hit ‘print’. I am really going to hate to see what I am like when July comes around.

And so it begins...again

Here I am in my 2nd week of A&P II. My professor isn’t as bad as I thought he would be. His lecture style is completely different than the professor I had for A&P I though so that is going to take some getting used to. I have also come to the conclusion that my last professor didn’t really teach us much and the folks who are taking this class as well, who had the same professor as I did last semester, are all in agreement. I really think I am going to enjoy this class much more than I did last semester. I am really looking forward to getting deep into all the body systems and learning more about how they work. Call me a nerd but I really enjoy this learning thing.

Balancing Act

I was warned well in advance for the balancing act one must do when you are going to school, have a full time job, AND a family but I never realized I would have to have a degree in aerobatics to accomplish said balancing act. My oldest daughter has been begging me for quite some time now to take a cheerleading class. Yes, I know she is only 6. Yes, I know what I might be getting myself in to if she decides she wants to become an actual cheerleader (even less time, even less money) but I have been trying to find something she enjoys doing for a while now so I thought I would let her take a trial class to make sure she really wanted to do it (all the while crossing my fingers and hoping that she hated it…does that make me a bad mom?) Well, she loved it. Absolutely loved it. (damn) Problem was the only class they offered was on a Tuesday evening, for TWO HOURS. I have class Tuesday’s so that would mean my poor husband would have to take the baby there while she had practice. As much as I feel like he deserves the punishment (some days) I just couldn’t do that to him. For TWO HOURS. I managed to find a tumbling class, which honestly I think she will like just as equally plus it will help her get the basics down a bit better before she starts a real cheerleading class. Oh and it was about $30 cheaper a month. (BONUS!) So this means that all but two days out of the week are full. Jam packed. Full. I hope though that I can work in some study time while she is there in her class. Find a nice corner and sit down with my books and get my learn on.

This might not be such a pain in the ass after all.

Changing Me

When I made the decision last year to become a nurse, it was only a part of the overhaul I wanted to take on to change the way I was living my life. Granted, it was a pretty big part, but still, it wasn't the only part. I had been living a pretty meaningless life. At least it really seemed that way to me. I was just going through the motions of living, and sadly, I was even going through the motions of being a mother and wife without really putting a whole lot of thought or meaning into any of it. This caused quite a bit of problems in my marriage as well as my very few friendships. Fortunately, my husband and I are still married and have managed to pull through some really rough spots, and for some unknown reason my kids still think I am the greatest thing ever, but I have not been the best wife or mother I know I could be. Unfortunately, I lost the best friend I could ever have, even before she was killed, because of who I had let myself become.

When my best friend died a year ago, I was suddenly forced to look at my life up until that point. When I looked back, I hated what I saw. I hated who I was becoming. I wanted to be something better. All of a sudden the old cliche phrase "live each day like it was your last" had so much meaning to me. I now had this great opportunity, at 27 years old, to realize that I am who makes my life great but I am also who makes my life miserable. I was the one with the power to change ME. I didn't have to wait until I was old and gray and in the last leg of my life to look back and think about all the things I could have and should have done differently. I had the chance NOW to make my life meaningful and something that I will look back on and think: Yep, I did pretty damn good.

So Nursing? It's only part of my efforts to change myself and make myself a better person. Nursing is something I want to do for me. Along with nursing, there are a few other things that I hope to work on within myself to try to be the best person I know I can be. I want to be a better mother to my kids and wife to my husband. This one is proving to be a little conflicting with my nursing goals. It has been such a challenge over the past year to juggle work, and school, and family and I know it is only going to get worse once I get into The Program. I also know that ultimately all of this struggling will pay off once I get through The Program, pass the NCLEX and become a full fledged nurse, but right now, it is hard and exhausting and more than once I have found myself wondering what the hell I was doing.

Battling depression is another major hurdle in my change. I have been depressed for as long as I can remember but have only recently recognized it and sought help for it. It took me two months of staring at a bottle of pills every morning and night before I finally decided to start treating my depression. It is still a struggle, but it has become much more manageable. I still have my moments, but I think I deal with them a lot better now than I did before. I think now, my biggest hurdle in my depression is learning to like myself. Learning to take care of myself. Learning to be happy with myself.

Really, this nursing thing is just a part of the Me I hope to become.

6 Months

That’s right, only 6 more months to the day when I get to apply to The Program. I could not be more excited. When I first decided to go for this I felt like the road I had to travel to get there was going to be so long. In all actuality, it really hasn’t been that long at all. By the time I send in my application, it would have been one year since I started. By the time I actually start the program, I would have been on this road for a year and a half. Not too bad considering there are others out there who have been working on this for several years.

I am fairly confident that I will be accepted. Of course there are a few things I am still counting on (like that A in my A&P II class, and an awesome score on my HESI) but I am thinking positive and know that I can do what I need to do.

I hate that I am already starting to wish the New Year away by wanting it to move by so quickly, but HOLY CRAP! I will be applying to The Program in 6 months!!!